Day 23 - Acceptance

Several blogs ago I wrote that I would write about this topic at a later date.  So here we are.  As you know I started with a new company 3 weeks ago.  I consider myself a pretty strong and independent person.  In my old company I knew the ways of how things functioned, knew how others were, was brainwashed with fear of doing the wrong thing all the while feeling strong about who I was and what my role was. I would say that is a false sense of security but I never felt secure there. But here I was in a new place feeling my way around.  Interestingly enough I found myself wanting to fit in with others at my new company.  We have locked doors at our office for security and we all have key fobs that give us access. Others had theres on those spiral key chains that fit on your wrist.  As dumb as it was I wanted to have one of those.  I went to three places just to find one, just to feel like I fit in.   Such a small thing was playing a role in my life.  I felt connected once I had one.

Then we had example two last week with the tasting day.  One I wanted to know what those tastings were like and how the company functioned and I wanted to fit in.  Then yesterday I was invited to go to dinner tonight with my boss and a consultant who is training me.  I was shocked because that would never happen in my previous company.  There were title lines that shouldn't be crossed especially to eat with those with a lesser title than you.  See I broke that rule all the time because people matter to me, not titles.  One of my weaknesses the company saw in me.  I see it as a strength.   Well clearly in this new company these title lines do not exist.  So tonight we went out to dinner and I failed at eating.  I am very disappointed in myself.

I started to exam this necessity to fit in and be accepted and how that can contribute to weight gain.  Ever notice how we assume others will not accept us if we turn down a drink or say no to appetizers, bread or a dessert.  We ASSUME.  I thought tonight, I said yes because I felt they wanted me to have a drink, partake in the appetizer and have dessert.  Not because they forced me, not because they said anything but because I have been pre-conditioned to think this way.  To think others will say something if I say no, to think I won't be accepted if I say no.  The truth is, I am ok if someone doesn't like it if I say no because it is my body and my life.  It is ok if they don't accept me because I choose to be healthier.  This I choose going forward.  Next time  you are out with friends or new people stop and think before you order or pick up something you don't really want.  Stop and think is it them pressuring you or you pressuring you.

Except for dinner which I am very disappointed with myself was a good day.

Breakfast:  Nuplus shake with berries and vitafruit, Quinary

Snack:  Sunbar

Snack:  Nuplus shake with berries and vitafruit, quinary

Lunch:  3 sushi, california roll, seaweed salad, miso soup

Snack:  Sunbar

Snack:  Nuplus shake with berries and vitafruit, quinary

Dinner:  2 mixed drinks, few scoops of guacamole, small piece of bread, hazelnut crusted sea bass, asparagus, no mayo slaw, few forks of coconut cake.

Metabooster, metashapers

I did have a better day today.  The shakes 20 minutes before meals does help a lot.

PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT:

Action Caps^® 

Designed to enhance the body's natural metabolic processes, Action Caps® supplements help you to burn calories more efficiently.* Based on the Philosophy of Regeneration™, Action Caps® work with your body's systems to process food.*

Unlike many other weight-management products on the market today, Action Caps® are all natural, made without chemical and synthetic additives. Because Action Caps® are designed as part of a sustainable weight-management program, we also recommend daily exercise in combination with a sensible diet, including high-fiber, low-fat foods such as vegetables, fruit, lean white meats or fish.

Day 9 - Freaking Frying Pan

I am the kind of person that gets bored easily.  Meaning I start something and after a bit I am bored.  I do finish what I start but it takes a lot of effort on my part.  So where am I going with this.  I have committed to this blog and so I will finish it but I get concerned with things like, what if I get writers block, will others really start to read it, does it really matter......is anybody out there.  But just like in Julie & Julia I will continue to move forward one day at a time, one blog post at a time.  And even if no one is reading I will have at least accomplished my goal even if it takes me a year.  Because in the end my real challenge and commitment is to lose the weight. The other challenge I have is that I want the weight to come off faster so I feel better.  I mean I want it to just melt away and I don't really see why that should be so difficult for my body to understand.  :)  So then I push harder and harder but in the end it still takes time and patience.  And boy am I learning a lot lately about patience.

A quick tidbit about my house searching.  I started searching for a second homes several months ago.  I placed my house up for rent thinking it would take a while to find a renter but found one rather quickly.  And therefore moved in with parents thinking it would be short term.  After bidding on several properties, I found a short sale 2 1/2 months ago.  I still am going through the short sale process but I decided I wanted to keep looking just in case I found a regular sale and something I liked just as much or more. So what happens Saturday, I find two I like.  Bid on one and they take the other offer.  Bid on the second one, after being told they hadn't liked any of the offers they had received, only to be told they decided to take one of the older offers.  So I continue to search but this is how it has been going.  So I bought a mezuzah to be a sign of good faith that the house intended for me by G-d will come along.

Overall I believe G-d is trying to teach me how to be patient and gracious by having me stay with my parents longer than expected. I thought I was a patient and gracious person but G-d has another idea.   I love my parents dearly and my mom is one of my best friends.  And over the last year my dad and I have really strengthened our relationship.  But once you have been out on your own it is difficult to move back home.  I think it is because under a parents roof there is always the parent-child relationship versus when you move out and can develop an adult - adult relationship.  In addition I am used to my space.  But I believe until I come to terms with my current living situation and learn some gratitude for having a place to live versus renting, G-d will keep the current situation as it is.  Lets just say my Torah and I need to spend a little time together.  I believe He is also taking this time to help me with my weight.  I must learn to change my eating habits so I can be around longer.

Today when I woke up I decided to weigh myself (despite saying I would only do it once a week...see the patience thing again).  I weighed 195.1, that is 1.9 lbs.  I felt great going to work.

Breakfast - 1/2 Nuplus + 1/2 Vitashake + Vitafruit + mixed fruit + Fortune Delight

Snack: Sunbar

Lunch - Lunch size ahi tuna crunch salad at Yard House.  (I was proud that I had no appetizers and drank my Fortune Delight, despite this being a vendor lunch which is usually full of not healthy stuff)

Snack - Sunbar

Dinner - This is a weak point of mine.  I am a foodie and love some of our local restaurants especially when vendors are taking us out.  So this was a tough one and I believe I faired well and far better then I would have before my commitment.  I had one ahi tuna piece of the appetizer (these were a 1 x 1 inch square), chose a spinach salad as a starter (very light vinaigrette), vegetarian paella and had a sliver of square piece of cake plus 2 glasses of red wine.  I stayed away from the bread and french fries on the table. Now before this I would have said order several of the appetizers and ate several of them, ordered soup instead of a salad and something heavy and fattening for the main, with a whole dessert for myself. And we won't even talk about how much wine I could drink.   So I am taking baby steps.  My goal is to ignore the appetizers and dessert in the next two months.

A great person I know once said, G-d will repeatedly hit us over the head with something until we learn what we are supposed to.  I say, does he have to use a frying pan? The response is yes.  I say "freaking frying pan."

PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT:

ACTION Caps
Designed to enhance the body's natural metabolic processes, Action Caps® supplements help you to burn calories more efficiently.* Based on the Philosophy of Regeneration™, Action Caps® work with your body's systems to process food.*

If we imagine our bodies as a stove, in one "stove" fuel burns faster, and that such person is not gaining weight, and in the other light is lukewarm, and the excess calories will almost certainly cause the appearance of extra pounds of weight.
Each capsule contains a variety of specially formulated herbs and concentrates which have been traditionally used to enhance metabolic processes
Allow fat to be more efficiently burned as energy
When Action caps used for some time, waist gets reduced first, then hip and chest "catching up", gradually decreases fat.
The energy released by the burning fat, becomes the muscles energy. In the following stages weight is reduced. Action caps nourishes smooth muscle tissue and helps to restore the blood vessels walls.
Does not contain ephedra.


Unlike many other weight-management products on the market today, Action Caps® are all natural, made without chemical and synthetic additives. Because Action Caps® are designed as part of a sustainable weight-management program, we also recommend daily exercise in combination with a sensible diet, including high-fiber, low-fat foods such as vegetables, fruit, lean white meats or fish.
* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.